Category Archives: random thoughts
I Am A Rock
“I have my books and my poetry to protect me…
I am shielded in my armor
hiding in my room safe within my womb
I touch no one, and no one touches me…” ~ Paul Simon
Mortal Adventure
Driving west down the 105, I hear, before I see through my rear view mirror, a gang of about 15 motor bikers approaching. Scattered throughout the freeway, they are passing us vehicle drivers one by one—demanding attention—bringing with them an air of bondage, freedom, fury, and passion—the Valkyries unleashed.
As they pass me by, the engines roar fading out and cueing in, I notice their uniform—red leather jackets bearing the same insignia on the backside. I am driving on the far left, next to the carpool lane.
One of the bikers slows down at about my one o’clock. Immediately I notice his hard body, golden tan, and dirty blond hair. His right hand is on the handle, and the left one fisted, resting on his thigh. He turns and looks at me—scoping out the driver of my convertible white BMW. He is not wearing a helmet, his shiny goggles shielding his eyes.
He does a double take, then looks back at his gang, sending a head signal. With an outstretched arm, he cautions and slows me down, chaperoning the entrance of his ring. The entire scene is way cool and hot! Little do I know what I am in for.
They have claimed ownership of the freeway, along with everyone’s attention. Three bikers pass me by one after another, at warp speed, and move into my lane. The fourth one glides in front of me, 10 feet ahead. He lifts the front of the bike up into the air— vertical— and rides at 80 mph on one tire, for a good 80 seconds, if not more.
It bites me to the bone . . . I am frozen. So mortally excited I start to pray. My entire attention locked on the rider. I am, with all my being, my will and my soul, holding and protecting him from falling down. I am bemused! In complete prayer for life, for his life.
I slow down, increasing the distance between us, calculating the how, and how fast I have to maneuver, should he fall off his bike and offer his life into my hands. The biker to my right follows through—he lifts the bike vertical, then lifts both his feet up onto the seat, and as if that is not dangerous enough, he lifts both his legs up into the air, forming a V—a victorious face off to life, and death.
Perspiration is dripping down my temple as I glide through traffic on this hot California afternoon towards the exit, barely missing it. As I exit the freeway, I take one last look and admire one last lift-off into oblivion.
Chakras
So we’re in the new year, 2015, the year of the sheep in the Chinese horoscope. I thought it a great time to reflect back to the past year, when I remembered whilst growing up (mind you, I don’t think I’ll ever stop growing up, heck, I even feel infantile still, in some aspects) how adept I was at erasing my memories. I could, with great ease, erase all traces of the memories which were hurtful or painful. I had the system mastered; No traces left. But now, I realize the importance of remembering, for how else, will we ever learn?
I believe living a life devoid of self improvement is a life wasted. 2014 was a year of great triumph; I finally broke through my first chakra. I don’t think I will ever forget the moment it happened. I was taking a bubble bath, meditating, when feelings of rage and anger started bubbling inside of me. I moaned and groaned, releasing these emotions and when I opened my eyes, everything was painted Red. I blinked and squeezed my eyes, trying to clear the red silhouette clouding my vision. Everything was colored a red hue. I blinked yet again, alarmed– it persisted. I took a look around, everything in my view had a red hue to it. It was then when I felt something release, and the experience of seeing everything painted red in my vision became fascinating. It was the color of blood, even space was a hazy cloud of red…. I kept blinking and blinking, trying to make it go away, but it would not. That is when I just let it be; I was floating in redness, absorbing it all.
It bears mentioning that this came about from a conscious effort of beginning a chakra cleanse a couple of months prior. Now, let’s rewind back a couple of decades and a few more years. As far back as I can remember, probably from the time I first started writing, my place of residence was always in my crown chakra. Usually the head chakra, but oftentimes, my crown chakra; when people’s lips would move, I could not hear what they were saying, because I was not even there. I liked being away; out of my body, far away. Hence, why oftentimes people would look at me as if I was a weirdo. I would get those looks, you know? Sometimes even from my friends. But it mattered not, for I was in a beautiful place.
This lack of being in touch with my lower chakras was evident even in my yoga practice. For the life of me, I could not balance. As strong and flexible as my body is, balance eluded me–until last year. Now I can balance on one foot and I am a stone wall. A pillar reaching down to the core of the earth.
It is amazing how, sometimes, no matter how hard I try at something, it does not work out. But when the time is right, it occurs magically, as if following a recipe written by an invisible hand. Perhaps even my own hand, before I was even born.
In 2015, I will strive for greater self improvement, as I usually have done and do, actually all the time. I have a feeling it will be a year of peeling off the masks. Masks which are beginning to suffocate me.
So to all, I wish you a year of excitement and discoveries. And what better discovery than that of the self?
Ultreya.
Adultery
I loved it! And by loving it doesn’t mean that I agree on everything, namely, Adultery.
God said: “Thou shalt not commit adultery” I wholeheartedly agree with God. Not because we will burn in hell when we die, no, the punishment is more immediate; we enter the road to hell in the here and now, just as we see with Linda and her troubles.
Adultery is the story of Linda, a married women with two children who suffers from depression and the occasional bipolar tendencies, who risks her perfect life by committing adultery.
I do not like Linda’s character at all! She goes through life lying to everyone; to doctors, to people, to strangers, to her husband, even to herself. Even when the truth is handed to her she chooses to completely ignore it. All the characters have their flaws in the book, just as each one of us have in our lives, but since Linda is the protagonist, let me point her out. I’ll keep it short so I don’t give away any spoilers, I’ll let you, the reader, read and see for yourselves how different life can be for characters such as Linda if they practiced gratitude in their lives, and counted their blessings instead of talking about them.
Paulo Coelho captures and releases in his words, Linda’s character exceptionally well. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself annoyed through most of the book. Though one thing we can all learn from Linda is her persistence and perseverance. I would be more sensitive towards her had she done it for love, but instead, it was for revenge, jealousy, hatred, emptiness, etc. Even if she had love and passion for the man, there are things such as truth, honesty, choices and decisions, which we all make according to where we are mentally and spiritually in our lives.
None of us deserve to suffer. It is the consequences of our choices and actions which determine the state of our well-being or the lack thereof. I think Linda got away too easily, it is lucky for her, otherwise, it could have been devastating. Perhaps it is the invisible, silent sting of wounds that linger long after, which is the most painful. As the saying goes, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”, as some of us are remarkable at hiding our pain.
So how did it end for Linda? Did she come out changed and transformed through her adulterous experience? Is it right? Is it wrong? Was it worth it? I will quote a line from the book:
“Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel, if that’s what you mean. But sometimes, when the person crosses through the darkness and reaches the other side, he leaves an enormous path of destruction behind him.”
Forgiveness
For some of us forgiveness is easy, but I presume it is difficult for most. As for myself, although it is easy to forgive, recently I was tested, and as a result I could not distinguish the reason or purpose for forgiveness.
What’s the use of forgiving if I want nothing to do with that person ever again?” There is no difference if I forgive or not, I don’t want that person in my life anymore”
I do not like harboring any kind of negative energies, so I had forgiven the person, but refused to acknowledge my forgiveness. I thought that if I do acknowledge it, then I am bound to let them back into my life; because they are forgiven.
Well, that is not so! Since fully realizing this, it has freed me in certain ways, and so I share the following paragraph by Caroline Myss from Anatomy of the Spirit in the hopes that it will help whoever comes across it.
Blessings and Namaste
“As appealing as forgiveness is in theory, it is an extremely unattractive personal action for most people, mainly because the true nature of forgiveness remains misunderstood. Forgiveness is not the same as telling the person who harmed you, “It’s okay,” which is more or less the way most people view it. Rather, forgiveness is a complex act of consciousness, one that liberates the psyche and soul from the need for personal vengeance and the perception of oneself as a victim. More than releasing from blame the people who caused our wounds, forgiveness means releasing the control that the perception of victim-hood has over our psyches. The liberation that forgiveness generates comes in the transition to a higher state of consciousness-not just in theory, but energetically and biologically. In fact, the consequence of a genuine act of forgiveness borders on the miraculous. It may, in my view, contain the energy that generates miracles themselves.”
~ Caroline Myss, Anatomy of The Spirit
Us
The reason why the world is the way it is, is because there are so many loveless people in the world. The reason why there are so many loveless people in the world is because their parents didn’t love them enough. The reason why they didn’t love them enough is because they had children for all the wrong reasons.
